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The Search For "Mr. Right": 2 Years On Every App Taught Me This

 

Over the last 2 years, I've been conducting what some could call a "social experiment." I have been single (by choice) for the better part of the last 2.5 years and had an epiphany a little over 2 years ago to give online dating services a shot! While it hasn't been the most miraculous experience, it has certainly been a valuable one! And, I strongly recommend that anyone who is looking to settle down with a life partner, give them a try! Maybe you don't need to sign up for almost every app known to man like I have LOL, but at least try the major ones. This blog is a detailed account of my findings as a young, sweet, successful woman with online dating. 

For clarity, I've added the below chart for you to understand who I am and what I have to offer versus what I am seeking. This foundational knowledge is key to comprehending the results of my "experiment." I, as a 26 year old woman who is the CEO of a successful small business ( www.caycomcreate.com ) with a college degree, no kids yet and a huge heart, am seeking a well rounded man who compliments me and is a suitor to build an empire with! 

A quote from one of my press interviews surrounding my love life that I'll always cherish is:

"The only thing “missing” in her personal life is a qualified long term partner to share in her success and help build the dynasty that will outlive her physical body but perpetuate her treasured spirit. While she is quoted several times throughout the past couple of years as longing for the day she finds “the Joker to her Harley,” her reputation speaks for itself and is sure to attract a suitable companion sooner or later. She is a “titan of tomorrow,” as her publication Icons In The Now would call it, and the writing isn’t only on the wall, but quite literally all over the internet and in the press." - Forbes Journal/Tycoon Herald 2021 

You'll notice that things like race, not having kids, needing a college degree, or not having a record are not listed anywhere on the chart. Even though, from my extensive research (conversations, podcasts, interviews etc), for many women similar to me they would be, which is also understandable since most of those women are great catches and they deserve someone who fits their needs. However, for me, these are things I consider "flex factors." 

While most of the men I've dated from the apps have been White and most of my previous relationships were with Hispanic/Latino men or African American men, I'm not picky as long as they understand my cultural background and support my political views that are a result of that. Having kids is not a factor because most of the men I've loved had kids and them being good fathers was one of the things that actually attracted me to them. Granted, I have a hard limit on how many kids my future partner will have already (3 by ONE woman) because I need you to have the mental, emotional and financial resources to have a child or two with me. However, I love kids and even though I don't have any yet, I think I'd really enjoy being a cool stepmom. 

Having a college degree doesn't matter to me (even though I have one and am currently pursuing a Master's and eventually Doctorate) because I am a firm believer and advocate that college isn't for everyone and isn't the only key to financial or secular success, especially for minorities. So, if he's financially stable and independent, it doesn't matter to me if that's through a trade, a business or a white collar career. Having a record depending on the circumstances is also something that can be worked around. For example, if you're 30 and you did a 1 year sentence a decade ago for a nonviolent offense, I feel it'd be unfair to write you off for that reason alone. Many of the men who I've loved had a past and that had no effect on my feelings for them. 

With the foundational factors understood, now we can get into my experiences on each of the major apps and what I've learned from this entire thing! Also, I have had premium (paid) accounts on all apps that offered it and have spent a decent amount of my "play money/discretionary income" budget on these apps and their features over these past 2 years so that I could get the best possible experience to base my findings on for this project.

If you would like to privately give your response to this blog post, please fill out the Google Form HERE. I am very interested in hearing other's experiences with their search for a longterm partner and gathering feedback!

 TINDER

Tinder has by far the most users of any dating app and thus has the highest amount of traffic. It's also one of the most reasonably priced for premium membership. So, it's no wonder that this was the place that I matched with the most men. At one point, I had over 10,000 likes in my feed and over 1,000 matches! However, the app has a HEAVY hookup culture reputation and because of this, 90% of the men I matched with here couldn't make it past the first question: "So, what are you looking for on here?" Also, there is no option to filter your feed by factors that could be important like intentions, physical traits or political/religious views.

BUMBLE

Bumble, despite its good intentions, was a fail for me both times I gave it a run. They continually banned my accounts and accused me of being a catfish or a spam bot (which happened on other apps too) and would never allow me to recover my profiles. This was unacceptable, especially since I was paying a pretty expensive membership fee compared to Tinder. I also don't know if I enjoy being the one who always has to make the first move with all of my matches, nor do I enjoy that conversations expire after 24 hours if the person doesn't reply in time. I get the point they're going for, to put pressure on the person to reply, but I think the window of time should be a week not a day to be fair to both parties.

HINGE

Hinge has successfully built a culture and reputation around being the app you find your soulmate on, which is great! Because of that, most men who I've matched with here aren't seeking casual sex and NSA relationships. They also allow you to filter your feed by almost anything you could think of including life goals! However, the process with Hinge to get matches is quite slow compared to other apps due to its design. And, that could certainly be improved. I also feel their membership price is too expensive given the smaller number of users they have.

OKCUPID

OKCupid was alright when I first began using it. It has a decent amount of users so the dating pool is fairly diverse and it allows you to filter your feed by a variety of factors which is nice. However, I found that this app had a large user base that was out of my age range (most who approached me were late thirties+). Because of this, I matched with very little men on this service because of my hard limit on 10 years being the biggest age gap I'm comfortable with. Also, their membership fee is too high in my opinion.

BADOO

Badoo started off rocky because they banned my profile and refused to give me a refund for my membership claiming that I was a fraud, obviously untrue. Their customer service sucks to be blunt and was not helpful at all. However, they have a very active user base, a good amount of feed filters and reasonably priced membership fee! Because of this, I did give it another try and met a fair amount of people.

FACEBOOK DATING

Facebook Dating is by far the best free dating service I've ever used! There is no premium option, but they give you almost all of the perks that other apps charge for at no cost! You're able to add a lot of filters to your feed, you can add a message to your match request, and you can even go back on people you accidentally passed on and like their profile! Nonetheless, I will say that many of the men I ran across on Facebook Dating were just casually passing through and didn't take any real initiative to move things along. This may be because it is an extension of a social network and is embedded within the Facebook app, so it's very easy to view it as just a place to meet friends and network.

COFFEE MEETS BAGEL

Despite Coffee Meets Bagel having awesome branding and a "No hookups" culture, I personally found this app was just too slow and unfruitful. The especially small user base compared to other services is likely the cause of this. Also, most of the apps target demographic is outside of my age range. Also, I found their premium fee to be overpriced given their activity levels and small pool of users.

WOOPLUS

WooPlus has been a good experience for the most part with a growing user base, a nice amount of feed filters and the overall design of the app! The membership fee is a little steep for the size of the dating pool they offer, however, their customer service is awesome and is quite reasonable if you're unsatisfied with your purchase. I think the concept of the app is phenomenal because it provides a safe space for plus sized people to date without the pressures or shame of encountering "fatphobic" individuals. It takes the guess work out of it because the people who sign up for this app are already aware that you're curvy/plus sized and they're attracted to you in the skin you're in! But, I will say that I've had quite a few fetishists approach me with some super weird messages here.

MATCH.COM

Match.com has impeccable branding and a great culture centered around finding your forever! But, my experience was pretty unfruitful with Match because their target demographic is outside my age range. and while I had quite a few hits that were also looking for marriage, they were almost all 40+. Also, their app has too many features that are on lock unless you're a paid member which makes it very hard to meet people there. Thus, it cuts their already small dating pool to a fraction because after you've signed up you realize you can't really do much of anything unless you pay.

eHARMONY

My experience with eHarmony was almost EXACTLY like my experience with Match.com. This makes sense because they've been direct competitors for decades and have very similar setups. However, eHarmony charges a higher fee that I feel is kind of outrageous. They offer payment plans which helps and their customer service is pretty good. Nonetheless, given their active dating pool is on the slim side, this needs to be reduced.

HILY

Hily was an epic fail for me both times I tried it. Due to the apps design, it was super hard getting a curated feed and not only on things like lifestyle, politics, or physical traits but on things that should be a given like location. I had very few matches here but a very high level of traffic to my profile because the curation was so low that people from all over the country were trying to match with me. This was unsatisfying because most people including myself do not have time to sift through hundreds or thousands of match requests just to realize 80% aren't even within a 50 mile radius of you.

POF

POF has some great search features and messaging abilities that are available for free and I think this is something that gives them a big competitive edge. However, its reputation was correct for hosting many bots and fake profiles which are a complete waste of time. Also, I notice that most of the men who approached me here were looking for causal sex and hookups, which is pretty on par with POF's reputation.

MEET ME

My experience with Meet Me was pretty much identical to POF except I don't like their search function nearly as much. They also have a small active user base so traffic to my profile was limited. But, their premium membership fee is dimes on the dollar compared to other sites so I'll give them that!

All in all, my search for "Mr. Right" continues. And, while the journey has been long, I know I'll be so happy in the end that I persevered and held out for a man who's everything I need in a life partner :)

If you would like to privately give your response to this blog post, please fill out the Google Form HERE. I am very interested in hearing other's experiences with their search for a longterm partner and gathering feedback!



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